Andrew • they/them • 27 • Pittsburgh • I talk in my tags • 9 years on T
if i ever unalive myself, know it’s because of my actions towards the only person who genuinely tried to help me.
they did nothing but try to help me and forgive me and love me and i did nothing but push them away and refuse to do the bare minimum for them.
disgusted isn’t even strong enough of a word. i don’t know if there even is a word.
i don’t know if i’ll ever forgive myself.
when i play video games, Toast has to be touching me at all times~
i wanna die but like…not in the poetic way
Shout out to trans women who aren’t computer scientists or musicians or avant-garde artists or whatever.
Shout-out to tgirls who work at Taco Bell. Thank u queen, society would collapse without you
Over twenty years ago my big brother got me a job at a Taco Bell in the St. Louis suburbs-West County. He warned me that it was the “gay Taco Bell”, but since I was coming from the “gay Howard Johnson’s” I wasn’t shocked. It turns out it was the black trans women Taco Bell complete with black trans women in management. And they’d worked out an arrangement with the local teen Narcotics Anonymous group so that twice a week we would shut down the drive thru and the dining room and exclusively serve 60+ teens in various stages of recovery. And many of the women I worked with were in various stages of being out or transitioning and they were from all generations from teens to over 50. One woman I worked with had a regular corporate job presenting as a man 9-5 Mon-Fri and then came to Taco Bell and worked 6pm -2am Friday and Saturday night so she could be herself surrounded by other black transwomen in those stolen weekends. And we had customers come from all over the metro area because they knew they could be themselves in the dining room. I only worked there from 1999-2001 but for young me, this was a vital, formative experience. Some of the girls came from north city all the way out to the “gay Taco Bell” on Manchester in west county because they heard it was safe to work there. Like- I know times have changed but they haven’t changed much in 20 years. I’m still convinced that for lgbt youth, finding a job at your city’s version of the “gay Taco Bell” is key to survival.
Thank u for sharing this with us
Anonymous asked:
U still in love with Ash?
hahahahah absolutely not ✨
i’m losing my job through no reason but Capitalism and im so upset.
this is my dream job and the job that makes me feel like i’m worth something as a human.
canonically a monster, off to live in the woods
today is Bee’s MFA Thesis show and i genuinely am struggling so hard knowing that i cannot be there and am not wanted there.
i’m so fucking proud of all of the work they’ve done and everything they’ve persevered through and i want so badly to see the culmination of the last year of work that i haven’t had the privilege of seeing after seeing four and a half years of amazing and beautiful artwork that took my breath away.
i know it’s my fault. i know i shouldn’t be so upset because i’m the reason i’m not welcome. i know i should just let it go and stop thinking about them. i’ve spent so long in therapy trying to do just that. i’ve dissected every reason i’m not welcome and understand that EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. is true and valid. but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to somehow support them. clearly, because i understand how horrible i was, i do not do anything close to their sphere because they deserve to live the life they want away from me. if they wanted to have me in their life they would reach out.
i’m just…really struggling and i hate myself for it.
